The purpose of this blog is to share some of my more profound Meditation & Magic Mushroom experiences, which were critical to my spiritual awakening and healing journey. These expanded consciousness experiences included Unity awareness, all chakra/kundalini activations, witnessing the metacosmic void/birth of the universe (as Unity/eternity/infinity/Satcitananda), Satcitananda, and undergoing transcendental self realization, heart realization, and collective self realization.
These experiences left me innately present and profoundly healed. My emotions are now routed through my heart (recently)—whereas before they went through my mouth. Practically, it is like undergoing an “adult puberty” from presence rather than getting lost within emotions (mostly).
I’m seeing what I was once blind to—and that is transformational.
This blog, the fourth in this series, Meditation & Magic Mushrooms, shares the most significant transcendental experiences in my journey to spiritually awaken, spiritually heal, and to achieve self realization (which is where the real work begins).
- Meditation & Magic Mushrooms Overview
- How to Meditate for Presence and Rituals
- How to Safely Meditate with Magic Mushrooms
- My Expanded Consciousness Experiences
- Self Realization & Presence
- The Medical Benefits of Psilocybin Magic Mushrooms
- Spiritual Awakening & Spiritual Healing
- The Archeology of Meditation & Magic Mushrooms
- The Birds & Bees of Psychedelics
From Spiritual Healing to Self realization
My approach to spiritual healing and learning about myself as consciousness has been rather free-spirited, adventurous, and serendipitous. I took Buddha’s advice very seriously—“If you want to know what enlightenment is, then go find out for yourself.” When we enter this awakening and healing path, we need to do a few things well, and Mother Consciousness will take care of the healing in detail; trust in her. Humility and honesty, with a heartfelt intent to heal, were at the foundation of all these experiences.
Each of these experiences provided healing in different ways. Of all the experiences, I found transcendental self realization the most profound because it erased my perceived need to heal (all was profoundly forgiven). Witnessing myself as the metacosmic void transition into the birth and expansion of the universe imbued with Satcitananda (bliss-love-consciousness) for an eternity confirmed, beyond doubt, that love is the very fabric of consciousness and the universe. If ever you doubted you were loved—then you will know, beyond doubt, that you are loved and always have been. That sets you straight, once and for all, and is crucial for healing!
During one of my experiences, I was gifted permanent (I hope) heart awareness with my triggered emotions now routed through the heart—and away from my mouth! I simply breath with heart-breath-awareness and I feel these initial strong emotions rapidly fade and be replaced with acceptance and silence. I am now more able to find kind-loving-compassionate ways forward when I am triggered.
Comprehending the Experience of Consciousness
The words of Stanislav Grof,[1],[2] Ron Krumpos,[3] and those of the ancient mystics fully resonate with me in terms of describing my experienced expanded states of consciousness. Their teachings and my expended consciousness trips have taught me a language to describe these experiences. During self realization I was “shown” the structure of Consciousness, and how I as consciousness in presence relate to that. It gives meaning to The Father, Son and Holy Ghost, or Atman and Brahman concepts.
To help you understand more logically I’ve condensed three main points of view on consciousness: Stanislav Grof’s, science’s, and my own. A fundamental starting point is we humans possess at least four different states of consciousness: (1) being asleep, (2) dreaming, (3) being awake, and (4) expanded or altered states of consciousness.
In experiencing in the awakened state of consciousness we are both ego-consciousness and presence. Until self realization we will only really know presence through meditation. Under special situations, for example, in a state of grace or during rituals, we can expand our awareness from presence to become aware of ourselves as the higher self and Unity/pure consciousness, both within and beyond objective reality, thus ‘transcending’ the ego consciousness. We can be one of those perspectives, we can progress and oscillate from one to the other, or we can be all perspectives simultaneously.
Another way of seeing this is that we can transcend the normal boundaries of body-mind in space-time—and go on a trip with just our awareness to experience the weird stuff. These experiences are associated with an array of transcendental phenomena and experiences, and also with profound spiritual and psychoemotional healing.[4]
My Doorway to Consciousness and Healing
I found my doorway to spiritual awakening and healing when I stepped down as CEO of the biotech company I had cofounded in the UK. My final board meeting/departure was on the summer solstice 2012. Three days later I made a life-changing decision. I put everything I owned in a storage container, left the UK, and moved to Lake Atitlan in Guatemala. I needed to heal from the consequences of an abusive childhood and the toll it had taken on my life.
Three months later, on the autumn equinox 2012, in front of my village on Lake Atitlan I had a drowning accident. Madre Jaguar (Goddess of Water and Healing) took me for a moment, and, as I drowned, I had a near-death experience. After recovering from the drowning, I went home to sit in presence for hours and I lost time again. This incident offered me a big reality check, and I felt a deep sadness that motivated me to look within.
My Spiritual Awakening
My first Meditation & Magic Mushrooms experience was the winter solstice sunrise 2012, the end of the Mayan calendar. Two weeks previously I had come face to face with a black jaguar on the jungle road north of Tikal, and there was something familiar about that stare (nahual). I took it as a sign.
During this solstice ritual experience my awareness expanded to that of the valley I was in, but the visuals were markedly different with my eyes closed. The wind was strongly blowing up and around the valley that day, and this created an energy flow through my body that I could perpetuate with my breath. The valley was lined in kaleidoscoping grey snakeskin, and apertures-portals would open and close, all of which associated with my breathing. I felt a hesitance in letting my awareness follow those openings even though it was pulling my awareness—I felt they could consume me.
With myself as the entire valley and as a meditating Buddha-like entity with all-in-One awareness, my heart chakra then opened. A warm, bright white light with an intense feeling of bliss-love filled my awareness, and I felt it deep within my core. I was simply the awareness of it all, outside of time.
Kundalini Awakening & Chakra Activations
It was the spring equinox 2014. I began this ritual by eating magic mushroom truffles and commencing eyes-closed meditation before sunrise. As my meditation progressed I experienced a complete dissolution of body-mind and space-time boundaries, and I became the awareness of my breath, sinking deeper inwards toward a faint pulsing light-energy. As I closed toward the light my awareness accelerated and then merged into Unity awareness—where I was the sum totality of everything, to infinity—imbued with a feeling of indescribable bliss-love-awareness (Satcitananda).
Small pinpoints of white light, peripheral to a larger central pulsing white light (my opened heart chakra), were joined by strings of light. I understood this as my material body had been dialed out of my awareness to reveal my energy body and its network into my being. These pulsed and expanded and contracted with my breath. I became aware of an unblocking of energy flow (an unusual warmness was felt), and through my heart I was filled with an indescribable feeling of bliss-love-awareness. As I exhaled I experienced this as color-energy-waveforms emanating into an infinite expanse of space. This kaleidoscoping vista would clear from time to time, and I became the awareness of the universe—I was suspended awareness as, and amongst, the stars. It felt timeless, infinite, and yet paradoxically—I was nothing (but the awareness of it all).
I could feel a discomfort from a need to pee, and, as the discomfort began to break through my body detachment, a silent voice stated, “Just relax, and let go.” I peed myself, and, as I did, the whole region down there just lit up in a warm glow of blue-white warm light. It imbued and suffused my entire awareness for god knows how long. I melted into it and felt a sense of connection and wonderment with Earth and the giant volcanic rock I was but a speck on. It felt grounding—profoundly peaceful.
Silent words then entered my consciousness, “Put your head back,” and when I did, a pure white warm light bathed my throat region. As I sat back, I could see my throat, heart, abdomen, and the base of my spine all lit up in bright chakra lights. I was aware of these from within and outside my body at the same time.
That was four or five chakras in one experience, as well as Unity awareness of me as the Universe, imbued with bliss-love-consciousness. Grace bestowed this right at a very interesting time—two weeks into a new personal relationship between two people in need of profound spiritual healing.
You can read the full test-pilot report of this experience on my blog.
Unity Awareness as the Universe
In another of these ritual experiences (winter solstice) I was the awareness of a meditating Buddha-like entity bathed in a kaleidoscoping sea of color-energy-waveforms. My heart chakra opened, imbuing me with the most indescribable awareness of bliss-love, and, as I exhaled, black streams of ‘dark’ energy dissipated.
After what felt like an eternity as this meditating entity, my awareness dissipated into the black expanse of infinite nothingness (the metacosmic void). I witnessed this as Unity awareness, and I felt infinite, everything, and yet—nothing, but pregnant with potential. I was that suspended awareness for an eternity.
During this eternity an explosion of infinite bright white light pulsed my awareness, literally tearing it apart in all directions, and it felt like I was giving birth to something. My awareness became light and clouds of gas, expanding outwards at infinite speeds. Stars began forming, then clusters of stars as I passed them all in awareness. Then I could see galaxies and then clusters of galaxies moving outwards in all directions. Then my awareness ceased expanding, and I became the entire star-studded universe in Unity awareness stretched to infinity. I was imbued with a sense of bliss-love and a sense of ‘I am’—this is who I am—deep in my core.
Upon returning to this reality, all my unresolved anger from an abusive childhood and from life’s accumulated emotional traumas and their negative impressions simply vanished. That very day I reconnected by phone with my mother after decades of her being absent from my life. I reconnected in a very compassionate and loving way, and two days later she visited me in Guatemala. I similarly mentally reconnected with my father, who had died in 2009, and with my other siblings. This experience opened a door and kindled a committed desire to heal and make progress with reconnecting with my family.
Transcendental Self Realization
During another of these experiences (summer solstice) my awareness emerged into an infinite and eternal space filled with kaleidoscoping color-energy waveforms. This partially cleared, and there I was, meditating with an awareness of my heart and outer meditating form. I was everything at the same time observing these happenings. As the meditator, I asked, “Who am I?” a question that arose automatically. Conducting self inquiry was my ritual intention.
A human body-like apparition appeared, standing before my awareness, and I emphatically answered, “I am” and “That is not I”. With “that” being the apparition of my human form, which had automatically appeared before me. That response was of my own volition, and the moment I said it the apparition dissolved before my awareness. My awareness then retracted from the meditating heart and merged into Unity awareness.
Silent words then arose, filling me with “This is the most profound experience a human can ever have, and it is the reason you’ve been born again and again—until you have this realization.” In that eternity I realized I was awareness—of everything as One and of my heart in this expanded form. I realized I was love first and foremost, emanating from pure love, and love is who I am. An infinite rapture ensued. Realizing you are eternal, and ego is not, shatters ego’s illusion.
A silent voice then spoke, “Move your head right back,” and as I did, I felt a very distant creaking (not quite connected) of my neck bones as they locked into place. I was observing myself as a meditating apparition with my head tilted backwards. Then a lotus flower moved out of my forehead/crown and opened, which I witnessed from inside my head, looking up above my third eye. A funny warm glow and tingle rushed through my awareness and all down my back. My head started to resonate a loud humming noise between my ears and off my forehead. I opened my eyes, yet nothing changed. My crown chakra/third eye was buzzing, and the visuals were still present.
This was the most life-transformative experience I have had to date. Nearly 18 months later presence is where my awareness rests, and I am mostly silent and in peace (emotional triggering aside). My crown chakra/third eye continues to buzz 24/7, especially around volcanoes. I witness how the play of consciousness shows me the things I need to see (old conditioning), so I may transform them. It feels like a second puberty, only this time experienced in presence (mainly) rather than from emotions. I’ll write about this in more detail in a future blog.
Spiritual Warriors Work to Heal the Collective Consciousness
This ritual took place on the full moon at the spring equinox. As my meditation progressed the kaleidoscoping color-energy waveforms began to intensify, and my awareness moved through them, or they through me. I entered an infinite space of waveforms, and there I was again—I had merged into Unity awareness. I became the awareness of my partially opened heart chakra, from within, all around, and at a distance, imbued with an indescribable feeling of bliss-love-consciousness. I was suspended in that awareness when my ritual purpose entered my consciousness. I came to ask pure Consciousness something, and out it popped.
“Is there something I can do to help heal the collective human consciousness of its karmic debt of suffering?”
Immediately an answer came, “Yes there is, but only after you have forgiven everyone and everything in your own life.” Wow, that was emphatic as it gets!
Then my breathing deepened and quickened automatically, expanding more love into my awareness along with a feeling of forgiveness. I was able to consciously project apparitions of people (as energies) with whom I had co-created emotional suffering with since 2014. This was a horrendous chapter in my life, and I wanted to forgive everyone involved and let go. Our fields of light-energy merged in this kaleidoscoping sea of loving forgiveness, and all was replaced by a profound sense of forgiveness and understanding—we’re all here to learn.
I then refocused my awareness back on my heart chakra, and my breathing deepened and quickened again. The chakra’s glow increased, imbuing me with bliss-love, and I exhaled loving forgiveness into my exhaled waveforms. I then automatically re-asked pure Consciousness the same question.
Things then began to rapidly change—the colors darkened intensely with blues, reds, and purples, all blending into surging blacks. I then felt the bottom of my awareness vanish out from under me, and I became suspended awareness over an infinite abyss. I was filled with a paralyzed despair, utter sadness, and a horror at what we have done to each other. I felt a part of this, and it a part of me—a part of its death, its cruelty, and all its suffering. My love was nothing in its presence, and my heart was but an ember of a glow. Everything I exhaled vanished immediately into its oblivion.
As suspended awareness outside of time I accepted this for what it was. I let it touch me without panic. I knew I had caused suffering before, and others had inflicted suffering on me, as is true for everyone. In realizing my connection with the suffering I knew it could be transformed with love—my love. I would need to summon an explosion of infinite love-forgiveness for an eternity from my opened heart chakra, from within the abyss—pure Consciousness permitting.
I opened my eyes at some stage, yet nothing changed—the visuals and core-like feeling remained. This was my first real journey as an intentional spiritual warrior—and I knew that this was just a reconnaissance. This experience made me realize there were blockages in my feminine energy channel and overlays (collective male, patriarchy) thwarting a fully opened heart chakra, and that I had work to do. You can read more about the spiritual warrior in my blog.
My Heart Awakening
As my meditation progressed visuals began to intensify, and it felt like my awareness was rowing through a kaleidoscopic color-energy-waveform tunnel with each breath. My awareness then emerged into an ‘infinite’ space of waveforms, and then suddenly everything froze.
My awareness changed, now fully emanating from my heart, and it jolted me—how did that happen? I was aware of myself looking down on/over my heart from above, yet, at the same time, I was within and was my heart. It felt like awareness had plugged into my heart. With this I felt a pain around my heart region. A surge of warm love coursed my awareness, and I could see-feel a bright white light pulsing with each beat. My heart radiated a low, audible buzzing, just like my 24/7 buzzing crown chakra/third eye.
As the meditation progressed my awareness equilibrated between my heart and head. The buzzing of my heart and crown chakras became intense. My awareness was simply in resonance and connected with this underground steel-concrete, magnetically-aligned cage and the earth beyond it. I had a profound sense of being inside of a resonant Earth who was concentrating her energies through me. At some stage I opened my eyes, but the visuals and resonance remained. Just over four hours disappeared as though it were nothing.
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What about you? Have you had any experiences like these? Would you like to also experience such life-changing profound spiritual awakening and healing experiences? Would you like to know how to self realize? By reading and carefully following the step-by-step instructions in my book (Discovering Ritual Meditation) and this blog for guidance, it is my view that you can. Every one of us can! Alternatively you can contact me for personal one-on-one coaching via the contact form and I can help you.
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Next month we’re going to have a closer look at how to conduct transcendental self inquiry as a means of attaining self realization. Self realization leads to innate presence, and in presence we begin the real work of personal transformation (of old conditioning).
Have a great month, and please let me know your thoughts or questions.
Thank you.
My best wishes to you.
Carlton Brown
Author of Discovering Ritual Meditation: Transcendental Healing and Self realization Amazon: http://amzn.to/29EdrS0 Book preview: http://amzn.to/29ADnPA Website: http://ritualmeditation.com
Copyright © 2008 Carlton Brown of http://ritualmeditation.com, All Rights Reserved.
[1] Stanislav Grof. LSD: Doorway to the Numinous: The Groundbreaking Psychedelic Research into Realms of the Human Unconscious. M.D. Park Street Press; 4 edition (12 Feb 2009). ASIN: B003GDFROM.
[2] Stanislav Grof. Healing Our Deepest Wounds: The Holotropic Paradigm Shift. Stream of Experience Productions (28 Jun 2012).
[3] R.D. Krumpos. “The greatest achievement in life: Five traditions of mysticism, Mystical approaches to life.” http://www.suprarational.org/.
[4] Stanislav Grof. LSD: Doorway to the Numinous: The Groundbreaking Psychedelic Research into Realms of the Human Unconscious. M.D. Park Street Press; 4 edition (12 Feb 2009). ASIN: B003GDFROM.
